


aftereffects

by ImTheWolfOfND (orphan_account)



Series: Newmann One Shots [1]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, but really actually good, gottlieb is bad at comfort, newt has panic attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 08:28:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13186245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ImTheWolfOfND
Summary: Newt can still feel the effect of the Kaiju, despite the hive mind being shut off. Hermann just wants his partner to be okay.





	aftereffects

Newt knew it was going to be a bad day as soon as he woke up that morning. Firstly, his hip was hurting, which meant that Hermann’s was hurting, which meant Hermann would be upset all day. Secondly, he hadn’t been able to sleep, insomniac he was, so his head was aching and he could feel that pain in his bad eye. Lastly, his nose had been bleeding when he woke up, and that was never a good sign. Although the Kaiju were gone, sealed away and the connection severed, he still had aftereffects of the Drift. Some days were better than other days, but sometimes the Kaiju memories took over his head and he couldn’t function. 

Newt wiped away the blood and got in the shower, taking some pain meds, and his other medication he needed to take every morning (although sometimes he forgot, the ache in his hip reminded him to take them, for Hermann’s benefit). He got dressed and left his room, rolling up his sleeves. 

He walked into the lab, glancing over at Hermann, who was already up on his ladder, scratching at his chalkboard. Newt noticed how he was leaning more on his good leg than his bad. He sighed, walked over to his side of the room, and leaned down to dig in a drawer. Hermann was always harping on him for having such a messy workspace, but he knew where everything was, so he was fine with it. He grabbed a heating pad from the drawer, walked to Hermann’s side of the room, and set down the pad on his desk, silently. 

They worked for the rest of the day in companionable silence, Hermann occasionally glancing over at Newt to make sure he was okay, Newt doing the same for Hermann. 

Newt was typing up his latest report about the Kaiju baby he had gotten after Hannibal Chau was eaten when his hand spasmed. He looked down at it, shaking his head. “Hey, uh, Her- Hermann, I-“ His body seized up suddenly, a memory flashing through his head. He swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut. “Hermann, I need- I need you to- to-“ He felt a hand on his shoulder and opened his eyes to find Hermann standing over him, leaning heavily on his cane. Newt gasped softly, breathing staggered, gasping for air. “H- H- Hermann, sh- shut the door. Fuck, shut the door.” 

Hermann limped quickly over to the door and slammed it shut. Newt grabbed at his hair, pulling it. They were in his head, he could feel them, speaking and hissing and dying. He buried his head in his knees and cried out, breaths broken and burning in his chest. He felt Hermann come back, blood rushing through his head. He couldn’t hear anything, but he knew Hermann was trying to talk to him. Newt felt tears starting to fall and suddenly a napkin was being swiped under his nose. It was bleeding again? He couldn’t even feel it. He couldn’t feel anything except terror, but it wasn’t even his terror. It was the Kaiju, the way they felt when the throat was sealed. He sobbed, crying out brokenly. 

Hermann’s arms wrapped around him, but Newt’s head was so full of Kaiju that he couldn’t tell it was Hermann. He didn’t even know it was happening. He curled himself into a ball. Everything was getting to be too much, brain going into sensory overload, and he couldn’t stop his body from shaking. He wheezed brokenly. 

A flash of violent, angry orange penetrated the blue and Newt screamed, body going rigid. Finally his eyes opened and he found Hermann’s, brain quieting almost immediately. “Herms,” he whispered before his eyes rolled back in his head and he slumped forward, the lab and Hermann slipping away into the darkness. 

 

Newton could count on his fingers the number of times he’d found himself waking up in a strange bed. The first was in college when he’d gotten sufficiently drunk and slept with his first girlfriend, and the second was when he’d gotten caught in a lab accident and something had hit him on the head. Naturally, he wasn’t used to it. So when he woke up in a strange, messy room, with flannel sheets and a fluffy pillow, he was terrified. 

He yelped and sat up, stomach flipping, terror rocking his body. His head spun at how quickly he’d sat up and he grimaced, grabbing it. When he picked his head back up, he remembered what had happened. His left eye was fuzzy and every time he shut his right, he couldn’t see anything. He groaned and flopped back on the bed. Right. Kaiju. 

“Shit,” he whispered, shaking slightly. Hermann had been the only one there, from what he could remember, so how did he get…wherever he was? 

He heard footsteps coming down the hall, recognizing the uneven step of his colleague. He sat up slightly, tried to make himself look presentable, but, fuck, his head hurt. He leaned himself against the headboard as the door opened and Hermann stepped in. Hermann didn’t say anything when he noticed Newt was awake, didn’t even look surprised, so he knew Hermann was feeling the pain in his head, too. 

Hermann grabbed Newt’s hand and handed him a few painkillers, then a glass of water that Newt hadn’t noticed before. Hermann was scarily quiet. 

“H- Hey, Hermann, uh, I’m sorry about…all that. It happens sometimes, but…you know, usually, I can get back to my quarters before- before the whole…” he gestured at himself. He knew his eye was messed up, and he probably had blood stains on his shirt, but he was mostly focused on Hermann. 

“Drink,” Hermann muttered, sitting down on the edge of the bed. It was then that Newt realized how badly his hip was hurting. 

Newt took the pills, then gave Hermann the glass of water. “Get yourself some, too,” he requested. Hermann rolled his eyes and Newt nudged him with the cup. “Seriously, Herms, you really-“ 

“Don’t…call me Herms, Dr. Geiszler,” Hermann fixed Newt with an icy stare. Newt stared at him. 

“You’re such a dick,” Newt growled. “You picked me up, didn’t you? You carried me to what I’m assuming is your room, which, wow, dude, seriously, the mess is insane, and now you’re not even letting me give a shit about you. Your hip hurts and I can feel it. Take some meds or I’ll take more for you.”

“You’re a dreadful excuse for a partner,” Hermann growled, standing up to grab his pain medication. Newt felt the twinge of pain when Hermann stood up and squeezed his eyes shut. 

“And you’re the worst at comforting someone in pain, so shut your stupid face,” he sighed softly and relaxed against the pillows. He heard Hermann chuckle softly and smiled weakly, shaking his head. Hermann took the pills and sat back down on the bed. Newt opened his eyes and looked at Hermann, who was already staring at him. 

“You said it happens sometimes,” Hermann said and for once Newt didn’t hear any hint of disdain or disappointment coming from him. Newt nodded, swallowing. 

“Yeah, it’s- it’s like…I’m experiencing a Ghost Drift, but one that’s even worse than actual Jaeger pilots. It’s ten or a hundred or a thousand times worse than Jaeger pilots. It’s like, I felt it when the breach closed, and I felt it when the Kaiju were being practically destroyed, but now that they’re gone…it’s like a part of them is still alive, in me. Like, you and me. It’s the same thing, except that you’re still alive and you’re here. They’re not anymore. So part of them is in me, and it’s here, and it’s alive. But not really. You- you know?” Newt asked. Hermann stared at him and shook his head. Newt groaned. “I- uh, it’s like…when you watch a movie. Right? You’re watching a movie and you’re really liking it and then it ends. You don’t watch the movie right away, you wait for it to come on DVD after it comes out in the movie theatre and by the time it does come out on DVD, you can only remember snapshots of what was in the movie. You remember the parts that were so clear and so well-done. Right?” Hermann nodded, and Newt knew he was listening, intently, the cogs in his brain working to try and figure out a scientific or mathematical way to explain it. “Well, that’s- that’s exactly what this is. Sometimes it happens for months at a time and I can’t stop it, sometimes it doesn’t happen for weeks, and sometimes it’s just one day where everything gets so fucked—I mean, I mean, screwed up in my head and I can’t remember who I am anymore.”

Hermann watched him curiously. “Maybe…maybe we should talk to Raleigh. He did lose his brother. Possibly, this happens to him.” 

Newt swallowed, nodding. “Sure. Possibly. Or I’ll just live like this for the rest of my life and constantly panic about whether or not it’s going to happen again that day, during a fucking— shit, sorry, I mean, I-“

“It’s fine,” Hermann replied, shaking his head. Newt blinked, pausing for a moment, then nodded. 

“It- I just- I don’t want this to just happen during a lecture or a presentation or anything like that because I can’t…I can’t be rockstar when I have constant seizures, Hermann,” a tremor ran through him and he buried his head in his hands. “Shit, Hermann, I’m not going to be able to do anything, am I?” 

Hermann sighed. “Don’t work yourself into a panic. Using your movie analogy, after you’ve watched a movie in a movie theater, and you’ve lost a lot of it, snapshots start playing when the DVD comes out, but you don’t rewatch the movie when it comes out on DVD, you lose everything, yes? Every memory you’ve ever had of watching the movie. Half the time, you can’t even remember the plot.” Hermann put a hand on Newt’s knee. “Therefore, if your movie idea is correct-“ 

“Jesus, Hermann, it was just an analogy! I’m not saying it’s the exact same thing, okay?” Newt exclaimed, shaking slightly. “It’s probably not. I needed a way to explain it, so I did, but I don’t think that’s the explanation. The Kaiju thing, it’s not a movie, Hermann. It happened. To you and to me. It’s not a god damn work of fiction, alright?” 

“I’m not saying-“ Hermann shut his eyes in frustration. He moved his hand from Newt’s knee and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Newton, that’s—“

“Newt,” he corrected. “It’s Newt.”

Hermann opened his eyes again and looked at Newt. He stayed silent for a while, keeping eye contact with Newt. After a long moment, he let out a breath. “Newt, that’s not what I meant. I meant that, if we were to continue to go with your analogy, that’s how it would work. And maybe that will happen. The aftereffects haven’t gone away and it has only been a month. It could go away, you don’t know, Newt.”

“Don’t you get it?” Newt asked, hands shaking as he ran them through his hair. His eye was red, pupil dilated, and he looked terrified. “That’s what I’m scared of, Herms.”

Hermann watched Newt curl into himself. He looked so young and afraid, which made Hermann almost more scared than he’d been the previous month. Hermann sighed and kicked his shoes off, standing and walking to the light switch. He flicked it off, and went back to the bed, shuffling until he could get under the covers. Newt didn’t move, and when Hermann put a hand on his shoulder, he tensed up. 

“Newt,” Hermann mumbled. “It’s me. You’re okay.” Newt rolled around and looked at Hermann, blinking a few times. 

“I…I don’t think I’ve ever been this close to you,” Newt laughed weakly and Hermann rolled his eyes. 

“Don’t get used to it, Newto- Newt,” he cleared his throat, blinking a few times. Newt smiled and buried his head into Hermann’s chest, letting himself relax. Hermann’s arms came up, hesitantly, nervously. He slowly wrapped his arms around Newt’s small body. “Sleep, now. You’ll feel better when you wake up. We’ll talk to Raleigh in the morning.”

Newt nodded, eyelids drooping shut. He was so exhausted and he hadn’t even noticed that before, when he was talking to Hermann earlier. He moved his head so it was tucked under Hermann’s sharp chin. “Thanks, Herm,” he murmured, blinking slowly. “You’re…good.” 

Hermann blinked a few times, opening his mouth to reply, but Newt’s breathing evened out and Hermann could hear the soft snores coming from his science partner. Hermann stayed awake. He was an insomniac, and he couldn’t sleep unless he was sleeping on his back, so he wouldn’t sleep that night. Plus, he wanted to see if he could feel it when Newt was having a dream about a Kaiju or not. 

Hermann rubbed Newt’s back. “It’ll be okay, Newton,” Hermann said softly. “It’s okay.”


End file.
